About the Rainout: Meanderings of My Mind

About the Rainout: Meanderings of My Mind

by Tim Kabel

April 13, 2024

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Yesterday, the Yankees had their first rainout of the season. What a surprise that it occurred in that tropical paradise known as Cleveland. Honestly, it's a surprise when games in Cleveland are not rained out. They will play a doubleheader today. The rainout left me, and by extension, you, with time on our hands. We all know what happens when I have free time.  My mind starts to wander like a station wagon full of grannies at a flea market.

·      The Yankees are 10-3 to start the season.  That is the best record in Baseball. The Guardians have the second-best record.  It is early but, I’d rather have the best record than the worst record.

·      So far, the Yankees’ starting rotation has looked solid.  They could provide more length in games, but hopefully, that will come. It is still early April.

·      I have always been curious about flavor combinations: strawberry-rhubarb, pumpkin spice, white chocolate-macadamia, bourbon infused barbecue sauces.  Who invents these things?  That would be a cool job.  Once one of them arrives, it is like an invasive species; it is everywhere.  The latest is raspberry-chipotle barbecue sauce.  I couldn’t resist. It arrives today.

·      To give credit where credit is due, Giancarlo Stanton has four homeruns already.  If he can only stay healthy, he could have a surprisingly good year.  

I just saw a product advertised on Facebook.  It’s called a meat axe.  It weighs 2.3 pounds

and has an Acacia wood display stand. It can decapitate a rhino with one swing. I don’t need one but, I want one.  In fact, I want two, but I will settle for one. I will tell my wife that it would be a great 60th birthday gift. I will be able to make bite sized pieces of meat for my cats. Nut will love me for that.

·      As I noted, since I moved into my new apartment, one thing after another is not working. Since I’m retired, I fit right in. I have to say that the property management company has been very responsive. Well, I decided to be proactive, and I tested out the central air conditioning.  It is being repaired today.

·      So far, the best thing anyone said about Jake Cousins is that he is the cousin of Kirk Cousins. Does that make them second cousins?  I really think that Clayton Beeter should be in the Majors post haste.  It is hard to fathom that he retired the side on three pitches in his Major League debut and was immediately sent down.

·      I thought things would be boring once I retired, but I have a new job.  I look for my wife’s cell phone, keys, and pock-a-book at least ten times a day.  I’m thinking about getting a bloodhound and a state trooper’s hat so I can give daily status reports on the missing items.  Hopefully, she doesn’t lose me.  I’ll have to get one of those books about how to find myself.

·      I’m definitely not opposed to Anthony Volpe batting leadoff.  In fact, I advocated for it. However, Aaron Boone brushed the idea off the other day and said that he could see Volpe as the leadoff hitter “ten years down the road”. My, how time flies.  Volpe batted leadoff the next day.  Don’t dismiss an idea and then embrace it the next day.

·      The gas stove in our new apartment has a vent over it that could put an elephant into orbit. (It actually works).  I’m going to use it this week when I pull out my indoor smoker to make brisket or short ribs with the sauce I ordered.

·      You know the age-old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?”  I have a new one.  “If Aaron Boone and Angel Hernandez have an argument, is anyone right?”

·      My cats found an old beanie baby of a black bear.  They take turns sleeping with it or dragging it around like prey. If they ever saw a mouse, they would run for the hills.  Except Archie, who is about to be 15.  Now, he sleeps 23 hours a day but in his prime, he did more hunting than Theodore Roosevelt on his African safari.

·      I was trying to think of a way to describe Aaron Boone’s managerial abilities to someone who is not familiar with Baseball. Then it struck me. I saw a clip from one of my favorite old movies, The Music Box starring Laurel and Hardy.  In the movie, they play delivery men who have to bring a player piano to a house at the top of an enormous hill.  This involves lugging the piano up an endless series of stairs.  Needless to say, something keeps going wrong, and the piano repeatedly hurtles down the stairs, usually, dragging Oliver along with it.  Finally, they make it to the top, only to be told by the mailman that there was an access road that led right to the door of the house.  Naturally, Laurel and Hardy lugged the piano all the way back down, and loaded it onto their wagon, just to use the access road.  That is Aaron Boone’s approach to managing.  

Incidentally, The Music Box won an Academy Award. 

An additional tidbit:  Oliver Hardy became friends with John Wayne and made The Fighting Kentuckian with him while Stan Laurel was ill. John Wayne offered Oliver Hardy a role as his permanent comic sidekick in all of his movies, but he declined because Stanley had recovered. After Oliver died, Stanley never made another movie. He turned down the role in It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World that was played by Jack Benny.